I have been missing in action. Not really inspired to write as late. The transition from IL to here has been a challenge. I did get a job but I am not in love with it, but I have insurance. I did decide to go to grad. school. I have met some great people. I have out grown some.
For the last month I have had surgeries. The first one was for fibroid using the Acessa procedure. After about a week I had a pain so unbearable that I literally thought I was going to died. I was vomiting, sweating, lost 15lbs. After going back to my doctor she did a test to find that the fibroid that was located near my kidney and bladder was so big that it may have blocked my bladder. She referred me to an Urologist. I had surgery that week. While in surgery, the doctor found a tear in my ureter from the first surgery. It seems that when the shrinkage of my fibroid the via surgery was done it melted my ureter together causing pain. It was hard to get the stent the doctor said. He said that it would have been a more major surgery. So after going through all of this. I am tried of fighting and of pain. This is has been so draining for me. I should be actually doing more instead of sitting at home and typing this. A part of me regret getting this done cause I am in pain constantly and no one has answers. I never know what I am going to feel tomorrow.
I am alone. I am lonely. And I don't know what to do. I have another surgery later next month. When I had my last surgery, I had my friend who I had been friends with since 7th grade, take me to my surgery at the outpatient surgery center. After I came to, everyone was trying to find her. No where to be found. She didn't answer the phone. I had to call my mother who had just gotten a promotion, to come and get me. I was pissed. I couldn't rely on her. This isn't the first time. I should have known.
I want to date. I want a family. I want a life. I feel I may not ever have that.
Loners Post.
