grief

Hey you guys I know it's been a while since my last post. I have made some changes with some things right now. I have deleted my podcast I just feel like it was time I kind of miss it but I'm waiting to figure out what I'm going to do with it.

A Christmas was okay working as normal. So that's a plus I still have a job as of today. And a lot has changed since then. The person that hired me decided to leave and take his family elsewhere and I've been without a boss since October and it's kind of hard to find my fitting because I feel like I'm not doing anything and I'm not putting in my work. Only because I have no direction and I'm literally learning as I go and I'm questioning everything right now. So evidently I don't know if I'm coming or going most days. And with the new year protein my only goal was to pay off my car.

And paid off my car is what I did. As of February my car is officially paid off. But the celebration was bittersweet because on February 6th at 5:00 a.m. my grandmother passed away. My grandmother passed away a few days before her 82nd birthday. My grandmother had dementia and my grandfather had to put her in a memory Care facility because he could take care of her at home and he really didn't want any outside help all that much. So being able to take off work for bereavement and to be there for my grandfather was good. I was blessed because I have people from my life group helping me with funds my mother help me, my father helped me, and I don't know if I would make it. I didn't have the money at all and then on top of that I found out that my work wasn't taking taxes out and I didn't remember ever completing the W-2 and so now I owe taxes for the past year. So I'm frustrated and try not to dub into Old habits where I'm overspending and overcompensating for things that I don't have and I think that I want. So it's been a lot going on over here. And I don't know what else to do I have no direction but I can't keep just leaving work and going home and getting in bed it's not feeding me right now. And going to life group on Saturday. I went this past Saturday and it just felt weird like I said the sadness came over me I don't know if I was thinking about my grandmother or just being a new space I don't know I just kind of feel awkward. It's just weird right now so I'm going to try to keep at least a blog on I know nobody reads this but it's good for me.