Another Day

 I just had my last surgery this past Wednesday. Then since I couldn't drive due to being under doctors orders, my step father was going to get me some food and then got into an accident in my car. Oh wait there is more. My parents car is not functioning right now, so I am driving them around. I think that yesterday was the only day that I got rest after dealing with the mayhem that is "AnneMae" my car. We have been through a lot together, from it being stolen by a client at the mental health residential where I use to work to being in a hit and run. I feel that I need to do something.

The last 3 months have been crazy . I have never experience so much . I need a break from everything. I love the fact that I was able to move and be free. But really what is freedom and what is the cost of that. Why does life have to be so changeling?   Are we all here to live and die when is the in between. Rationally I think about the future and the present and where I thought I would be. I honestly have no clue where would I be. The dreams that I had are now put into question because I don't know where my next step will be. I can say that I am much happier since the move, my health is improving more.

The loneliness that I once felt is slowing going away. I now have people call on me and actually check in on me. I am not use to be checked on. I am getting use to the phone ringing and doing things and going places. The past six years have been hard on me. I didn't realized the depression that I put myself in. Strangers that call to say hi, what are you up to? , then I remember that I am human again and not invisible as I once felt.  Thinking to myself people actually like me.

I thought I had in my mind to help people by being social worker. But after working as a tech the past 3 years and I starting to think that maybe just maybe this may not be the right move. I feel that I can do more. I am more that what people say and what  I think of myself. I just have to believe in the hope that is in me.

As watch the continued cycle of my parents struggle and then being in a stable environment with my grandparents for 6 years, I remembered something. I remember how life use to be chaotic, stressful, and crazy. I have learned that in the mist of it all, I have remained calm, being put into action. I hate being responsible, but I am.  I guess it all about being an adult.

Third surgery

I'm getting ready for my next surgery. I currently have a stent in my kidney. I'm nervous but the pain is more than what I bargain for.