mindblogging

Good evening, it is currently Saturday night and I am having anxiety about going to work tomorrow. Every time I think about work I have anxiety, either I'm at home thinking about it or I'm in my office about it. It's mind-boggling because I've stayed in this industry for such a long time and I have no empathy or sympathy anymore I am officially burnt out. I'm just tired my body hurts and I'm ready for a change. I've been looking for other opportunities and I keep getting put back into this space of the genre of the job that I have an only way that I can move forward is if I were to get an advanced degree but I can't afford it right now because I'm paying off debt like any adult is doing right now and we're in a pandemic still even though it seem like it's not even still going. I think my days of just dealing with stuff and rolling with the punches doesn't do it for me anymore. In the past I would just go, go, go, until it was nothing left in me. I'm seeing a new perspective on life and I want to enjoy it and now that I'm feeling better even though mentally I'm not cuz I feel all throughout my body physically, I just want to be free but I feel like I'm trapped in Chains of a 9-5 job. And they've basically have my Financial Security in their hands. They could let me go and I'll be worried that I don't have a job and I'm going to pay my rent versus me daydreaming about me not being there in that kind of crazy. I feel weird about that and uneasy. But I need to go through some Growing Pains or I'm going through it right now. I just don't know how to make this transformation how to push for it I'm feel lost and don't know what direction to go and a part of me feels like I'm running out of time cuz time waits for nobody. Is that normal to feel that way right now? Or am I letting my anxiety just get the best of me? I know I live so much in my head and I stay at my own a coordinates all the time. I used to be very creative and I don't have her anymore she is buried somewhere and I have been able to find her at all. I'm trying to ReDiscover her or that side of me again has been hard for me and trying to discover her I don't remember her I don't know her the sad case of me. But I do have a feeling that better days are going to come I just have to believe in it that it will happen. Until next time.