untitled

I don't know what to write. I feel like I regurgitate everything over and over again. This week has been very stressful and overwhelmed. My job is currently very very short staff and it's just seem like it's one thing after another. My body is just tired and wanting more for myself when I come home from work I just can't push myself to do anything anymore. I look at others and I will confess that I do compare myself to other people all the time. I compare my whole identity to them. And I often feel alone and Afraid to go the extra mile. And I always think people have something against me at all times. And at this moment, I'm seeing things for what they are but with my own perception of it. It's like I live in a wasteland of my mind and only thing that I know how to do is live in that Wasteland of mess and debris and toxic Madness it smells like s*** scuse me. It's hard for me to focus on certain things when I'm at home such as, a Bible study that I wanted to do and I just don't care and I do it to be around people but is on Zoom. I think it's my madness a couple heading to be included but I really don't want to be included because I put my screen on black. I don't think anyone feels like I feel. It's like I'm constantly trying to find run to something that is greater than what the situation that I'm in now. And I don't know how to change it or know how to start changing it. I was doing a podcast last night or a while ago, and I have nothing I sure would have to share which was but I'm sharing with you guys now but it was depressing and I feel like I'm always that person. Will I ever grow will ever achieve anything out of life I'm just feel like I'm always miserable me. I know there's sunshine and rainbows and puffy clouds in the distance, but when am I going to ever see it.