Meaning I'll be married have children being some type of relationship, but yet I've been in this recurring cycle the last 8 years of debt and layoffs unemployment anxiety about finances debt and depression. And right now this job has just been just a job. I have not met anybody or gotten close to anyone since I started working here. It's hard for me to connect with people because I don't know who to trust and I'm so much in late life right now that I don't even know if I should start over. And when it comes to relationships is always hard for me because everybody leaves and one of the reasons why I've never dated in my whole adult life I think it's probably too late now is because of that factor everybody leaves or now I'm going to place where I don't have to deal with heartbreak and sadness and if you're going to cheat on me or divorce me or anything like that. But at times it would be nice to have someone to do things with.
So within these last two weeks of my boss leaving and going to California for his new job, the only joy that I had over these past few weeks or that I was looking forward to was nostalgia. These last two weeks have been filled with nostalgia. With NSYNC coming back on the scene with a new song which is okay it's not my cup of tea but you know I'll take it. And then going to the VMAs this year. And having some type of of appearances elsewhere have been great for me. I've enjoyed all of it these past few weeks. Then the other night I was able to score tickets to see LeVar Burton of Reading rainbow Fame and Star Trek Fame as a speaker at a university close to where I live. Normally I wouldn't go to things like that by myself because I will always want to go with someone but because the ticket was very inexpensive and AKA free, I wanted to do something that I can enjoy. I haven't had anything that I've enjoyed in a long time and I actually liked it. It was only an hour of a talk it was a lot of people there. I treated it like it was a date. I went and got fajita tacos and then headed over to where the event was and decided to stay. I was really happy with my decision. I didn't try not to let my anxiety get in the way of my decision because I know me I would question parking and traffic and how many people would be there if the weather was going to be okay but I put it aside because this is something that I wanted to do.
Just being able to do something that I like was rewarding. Even though I just have $100 in the bank to last me to the end of the month. I'm trying not to think about it I am looking for part-time jobs I've been applying as well. But also just praying and figuring out what would be the next best step for me I'm scared and I don't know what else to do right now. But having something to look forward to has been great for myself health as well as my self-care. And they're going to be more free events in my town soon that I will be able to enjoy and I can't wait to share those with you. So the latebloomer loner Chronicles continues hopefully arrive with me.
