Understanding 38

Well, it's been a minute since we've lost blog. But I wanted to jump on here and give update of everything that's been going on. I have a new job that I've been at for the past few months and it's OK. I took a pay cut for this job. I'm struggling financially and I'm only getting paid once a month which is been really hard for me. And try to remember how to budget and all that good stuff. I've signed up to do, the DoorDash and other services like that I'm waiting to hear back. But because of where I live, it's oversaturated. At my job they will be able to pay for me to go to school but in order for me to go to school I will have to be there for six months and then I won't be able to start until the following semester which will be in January 2024 and then I'm a indebited to them for the next 3 1/2 years actually another year after that because I will have to stay on for additional year. I can't live off what I make knowing that I will be in school and I need supplies and stuff. So I'm consideree my options right now. i'm just existing right now is the world. There's so much that I want to do but I've been so afraid to do it. But I just had a birthday and I'm two years away from 40 and I realize I have not ever experience life because I've been on the edge of existing for such a long time and I don't know what to do about that. Everything that I wanna do requires money and it requires me to put myself out there in the vulnerable is hard for me even though I'm doing this right now. But it's easier for me to do those because I'm behind the screen and it makes it less threatening for me. And I just wanna be happy I'm tired of being depressed and down the dumps more and more every day. But I know it will get better but has to get better. It needs to get better. I don't even know if I even want to go to school, but considering my options that I've had over last recent years old masters degree to do more in line, but the pay will probably still be a little bit more if not the same.