Therapy

Usually, life hands us a series of battles whether its life or death, trials, and grief, or love and war. ( Yes I listen to Tamar Braxton-- Singing weeeee staay on the front line.... lol) This past week was mentally and emotionally draining for me. This was the point I needed to see my therapist again. Lately, well since the first of the year until about March I was politely told by my therapist to fly like a bird being pushed from the nest. OMG. I was scared. I mean I knew it was coming but jeez -- It hit me like" man I have to do this on my own now. I don't trust myself and my thoughts. The decisions that I make will solely be on me. Well, its have always been on me in reality, but having another person's perspective or approval is what I have always wanted.
So back to modern times, this past week was crazy, from dealing with my Grandmother's dementia after living in denial, unemployment and then coming back to some though conversations. I felt my depression getting worst and worst. I called her up thankful, she worked with me and my budget and was able to see her which is rare cause she is always booked. I felt so fatigued and down. I have not been sleeping and all I do is laying in the bed living in my fantasy world of being a superstar with no problems. After my session, I felt better but still unsure about everything.  The next morning I felt refreshed hoping that I stop creating the patterns that recur every year in the same way. I want more from myself but getting the motivation is hard to continue or even start. Im grateful for the interviews that I had this past week. But I feel like something is missing and I can't for the life of me figure it out.

Is it me that change doesn't happen cause I am afraid to start or even be in the mist true and pure happiness.
Church on Sunday was great. It took a different route that I was not expecting titled," Greatness in Darkness," it spoke life to me. Because it made seemed ok not to know. I am not supposed to know everything.