How do you mourn?

Today I lost an acquaintance that I knew. She was the best friend of my childhood friend. I don't know how to feel. Should I be sad? Should I be crying? I have no emotion at all. Death, to me, is sad and overwhelming. I have not been to a funeral in over 10 years. I refuse to go. It was an out-of-body experience for me. Being at a church with others morning like you. Depressing. Seeing someone you love in a decorated box only to be put in the ground covered with dirt forever. While I feel bad, the feeling is weird. Grief comes in many ways. How are you supposed to feel? In the moment of learning about loss, especially in the times, we live in, seems to be normal. Like oh, they died or hearing a news story about some violent murder. Then now hearing people died from the virus. The human brain can only handle what it cans and hold on to it. Is everything that is real fake or is everything fake real? Illusions and reality counter each other until it's just another day. Another moment. Another feeling. Another numbness finally becomes normal.